no one will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside – unknown
I never understood the bond that a mother could ever feel for her child. Before i got pregnant I always thought to myself , I wonder if I’ll ever REALLY feel that? I know I’ll love my baby, however how much love could I give him, and will I love him like everyone says you will? Well the answer to that is simple, YES. YES I love him to death, YES I love him so much i could burst, YES I would die for him, YES its a love you will never understand until you’re a mother. When I found out I was pregnant on Oct 10 2011, I was over-the-moon excited. I was just 3week4days pregnant, and all i could think about was ‘omg i’m making a baby inside of me’, which I said over and over for 9 months, That’s when the love started. When I was just 7weeks5days pregnant I starting bleeding. I was an emotional rec. I instantly thought I was losing my sweet baby that I hadn’t even had the chance to meet. Off to the Dr’s I went, got my requisition for an emergency ultrasound, and booked it that day for the following day. All I could do all night long was worry and worry and worry more. Was I having a miscarriage? why is this happening to me? what did I do to hurt my baby unintentionally? everything was racing through my mind from the time my head hit the pillow till the time I got up for my ultrasound. 8am I woke up and drank and drank all my water patiently waiting for my appt time to come..10am I walked in with my sister-in-law [thank the lord for her – she helped me through it all] to the ultrasound facility. 1015 I got in my gown, and waited again, patiently, for the receptionist to call my name. after what seemed like an eternity my name was called and we walked into the room, I laid on the bed and the sonographer started the ultrasound. I was too afraid to look at the little monitor they have in the room as I did not want to see a lifeless baby in there.. and then she said
‘There’s your baby, do you see that little beating motion in the middle, that’s your babies heart beat’
It was literally like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I was so happy, I cried. Even though I was only 7weeks6days pregnant, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my baby. Fast forward 1 week, I got a call from my dr.. my ultrasound results were in. As I sat in the room waiting for the dr all the thoughts were rushing through my head again, was something else wrong with my baby?? WELL all the worry stopped when I heard ‘your baby is ok.’ It’s like I don’t remember the next little bit after that because I must have been in such bliss.. WHY was I bleeding? Well it turns out I had a tear in my placenta 1.5cm, long, so I wasnt out of the water, however with a modified work arrangement & a prescription to help heal I was going to be all right. Most importantly, so was my baby.. The LOVE of a mother is something I felt that Oct 10, and when I thought I was losing my baby, that’s something i never want to feel again. In that instant i truly understood the love that a mother feels for her baby.
‘I never knew how much love a heart could hold until someone called me mommy’
18 week ultrasound